On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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