Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
