They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have feelings that need drinking.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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