When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
