Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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