is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
