my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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