my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize