On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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