it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
