I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
