I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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