Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
