i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
