he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
