We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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