i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
