I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize