ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
