Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
