Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
