they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
