I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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