take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need a beard to bite.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
