tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize