can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
