someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
