That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
