i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
