So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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