i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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