The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
