I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
