Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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