can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
