He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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