forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Boobs speak an international language.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
