I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
