I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
