And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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