So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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