You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
