my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
