Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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