life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
