Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
