Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
