That's intense
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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