haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
