Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
