I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
