I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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