I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
