You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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