Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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