i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want a musical about memes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
