he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
