felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
