If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
