I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
