You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
