I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
