Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
