No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
