I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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