So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
