I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
