I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
