I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
