Christians are straight up FREAKS
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
